My Story

My name is Mallory and I’m an adult who lives with anxiety, depression, and a cat. 

img_20161016_165140Why I’m Here

I started this blog in 2016 with hopes to start a project that I could stick to. My life at that point was incredibly up in the air and I didn’t have anything concrete to hang on to. There was also something in me that wanted to find a way to share my story with others with hopes they wouldn’t feel as alone as I did.

My Story

I was officially diagnosed with anxiety and depression at the beginning of 2016. At the time I felt I’d hit rock bottom and finally took myself to a doctor. He put me on Zoloft and gave me Lorazepam for panic attacks.

Way back in 2003 I experience my first panic attack next to my locker, in front of my friends, in the middle of the sophomore hall way at my high school. I remember it feeling sort of out-of-body and thinking to myself how ridiculous I was being. Throughout school I was involved in music and had just failed to gain a one rating at a state competition and had failed my driving test. My normal happy-go-lucky and perfectionist behavior was crushed. Dropping to my knees, I started to cry–my friends just stared at me in shock. The pressure I felt as a fifteen-year-old shouldn’t be felt by someone who was that age. The problem was most of that pressure was self-induced. When my migraines started, my parents got me into the doctor who asked about my stress level. I lied since my mom was in the room and said I wasn’t stressed at all. I would regret my pride getting in the way for the next thirteen years.

How I Ended Up Here

The past decade of my life has been a roller coaster. I’ve been divorced twice, left a job and come back, lost my grandfather, had seven cats, and still have no kids.

This does seem pretty negative, so in the same decade I’ve also traveled to France, gotten married twice, been promoted, published a book, and had seven cats.

I think a theme in my life has been loss, whether it’s a loss in dreams, love, or loved ones, there’s a lot of it. Hopefully, I can explore all of this with you and find some happiness that’s consistent.

My Day to Day Operations

Recently, I’ve taken on a lot. Normally you find that people throw themselves at things to avoid other things. I’m no different. I’m just not sure how to deal with these other things at this point. A few things I do:

  1. Write: I just published my first book. It’s a romance novel. I’m very proud.
  2. Draw: I learned to draw Anime while watching Pokemon and Sailor Moon.
  3. Sing: I take voice lessons every week, and enjoy opera and Broadway.
  4. Model: My good friend, Christy, volunteered me to model for her class and I love it.
  5. Do Make-up: I just did my first homecoming and wedding make-up.
  6. Cook: I’m self-trained, inspired by classic French cuisine.
  7. Bank: In my free time, 40-50 hours a week, I’m a bank manager.

My Goal in Life

I’d love to be able to be debt-free, work from home being a writer, have a cat, and be able to travel freely.

If I would win the lottery, these goals would get a little more extreme. I’d sell everything, start a global rental business where I have main spots in Paris and Chicago. Then I’d enjoy life by traveling and writing with my cat.

My Hopes for You

I just hope you find some happiness reading my rambles. Maybe I’ll make you laugh with my ridiculousness. I love to make people happy–which is sort of ironic. C’est la vie.

 

PHOTO CREDIT: Christy BigJohny Photography

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